A bEaR wItHoUt Its HoNeY pOt

Happy birthday and the 13th

2006-08-13T10:40:00.000+08:00

Happy 18th birthday to u.U'll never read here.Coz u've forgotten.

closed my eyes and waited for time to pass.I remembered.But i chose to be quiet.Tears flow but it doesnt mean a thing anymore.

A dream

2006-08-12T00:56:00.000+08:00

I always had a dream.Something which i had since young. I thought i could go to some place far, live far away from my nightmares. Away from the sadness. I never had a childhood. I never had a life i could held my head up high. I looked down.
And when i grew up, i realised that the only door i could run away from, is myself. If torturing myself everyday is such a burden,why not just end it at one shot and just reach to where i shld call freedom.
I dun wanna be trapped in such a world. I cant turn back time or go somewhere else. So i choose not to exist. And maybe,yes maybe...i'll end up some place better. There's nothing left behind for me.
On the 13th,there's a very special gal bdae. And before anything happens, i would like to sing her a bdae song.
Happy birthday to u...
Happy birthday to u...
Happy birthday my baby...
Happy birthday to u...
I'm sorry

I'll always love u.But i cant stay.If everyone has to leave one day, then i rather choose the day when i had to go.

I never knew that it could be so painful.Ur right,im not strong. I cant move on.

It's time

2006-08-09T02:46:00.000+08:00

If every drop of tear has a meaning. Mine do. For the love i lost, for the pain i suffer, for the loneliness i'll face. She told me she aint coming back for good. Not with anyone else. Im gone. I really dunno why am i still trying to breathe. I really dun wan to. If i've a chance to kneel down in front of god now, i'll beg him to take me away. Why arent u taking me with u. I give up trying to carry on with my life. U dunno how much im suffering to love. U dint taught me how to love, u dint taught me how to deal with after love. U only made me see what love brings. And it's nothing good. Why. Stuck in my room, all walls coming on against me. Im crushed. I hope i am. Then i wouldnt have to get out of this fucking room and face another day. Hurt myself,is that the only thing i could do now to get out of it. If i wait and wait and wait, life just wunt change.will it. I never knew when the last kiss was coming. I should have held on tight and not let go.

love isnt a debt

2006-07-23T00:39:00.000+08:00

Dinner at kfc.Dessert at Gelare. A walk in town.Im so happy.I realised that simple yet precious moments meant so much to me. I saw her face.Heard her speak. I stood right beside her. There's nothing more i could i ask for. Managed to send her home ontime. I didn't had to be scolded by her. The day ended well. On the way home,she stared out the window.Her back facing me. I saw her reflection and how something seems to be on her mind. Wanted so badly to hug her.But i was held back. I was afraid she might push me away,afraid of rejection. But the urge was still there. Walked her home. Send her up the lift.Wanted to kiss her,i dint had the chance. But im glad that i told her, "i love u".I just wanted to be heard. On my way home, i was upset i didnt had the chance to kiss her.And after awhile, i thought about it and i should be thankful she was around. Around on a Saturday. A day thatused to be baby-bonding day. I guess when u really love someone, intimacy is all part of an act or something extra. What's more valuable,is when the person stil exists. I just gotta appreciate whatever the moment is,as long as she is by my side. She seems troubled today.I shouldn't add to her burden.I shouldn't probe.I should share her worries and make her happy. Money isn't everything.And it can'tbuy love.But with money, i got to bring her to enjoy the pleasures of life.And gosh, look at her smile. I will wait for this gal. She can never be replaced or be forgotten. I gotta take every chance i got. I won't let my chances pass me by. She's everything i ever need to be perfect.She makes me complete. And i wunt let her be alone. It doesn't matter if im not mentioned,coz i know i was there and if u lovesomeone, u dun hafta let the whole world noe. But just let her know.
[Come back and let me comfort u]

it's not right

2006-05-06T02:05:00.000+08:00

Today,i told myself that i wanna concentrate on my job. Only when i ended work,my mind started to put me through pain again. I walked ard town. I have never been smiling at all for a long time. I cant remember when was the last time i did. Realised that i've been so lonely. I miss her. I dun have the strength to fall in love.Im afraid. Once said that after her,i would stop loving another anymore.Autumn and Grace. 2 different fairy tales, yet the same ending.They left. All left. i still love her.jus her

Screwed

2006-04-23T21:04:00.000+08:00

Nothing is going well in my life now. For the first time, i went out for dinner with my family after so long.But i didnt enjoy it with my mood like that. Work today was so busy and tiring. And everything was okae until i made a mistake. Got punished today. For every 5mins im late, i gotta stay back for half an hour more.So yeah, i stayed back for a few hours. Sigh. Boss called me in to the office, sounded so harsh towards me. He lost his patience. Said that my attitude has been gng from bad to worst. For a trainee to receive a warning letter in less than 2mths.That's deep shit. I guess so. He asked why have i been late for work recently and everything. I said i didnt sleep well. It was no excuse.
Went to the playground to sit down.So much to think about,so much to remember. I don't like going home. There's nothing for me to go home. Really nothing. No calls,no nothing. My life is such that i cant be happy anymore for any reason.
Who is keith? i dunno.Really i dun. Life is really not fair.Or rather full of downs.

driven to a point

2006-04-22T02:01:00.000+08:00

Im shivering now as i type. Im being forced into a corner by everything. Im going crazy. There are bruises on me. Drinking for the sake for it.Everything is killing me. I want to calm down.I cant. Help me pls.Someone pls help me.I need help. Don't leave me all alone.

Remember us and all we used to be

2006-04-20T20:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since i started to blog again. Saying all that's left in me. Reached home early today.It was a miracle coz i havent been coming home early for a long time.As usual, took a cab. Don't like being alone on the way home. Have been staying out till the next morning before i go home.Sleep less than 3hours a day before i wake up to go to work everyday.Eating doesn't seem to be of any importance.Health getting worst day by day.Stared at myself in the mirror.I've changed.Sigh
Went to Winebar,Zouk,Velvet and Phuture. All of them were connected,as in jus next to each other.So yeah,might as well go in all.Drank alot.Made my head heavy,it helps.Had some hurtful times along the way yesterday.I miss her. And she said alot of hurtful stuff to me.I wish she didnt. The worst thing now is that. I want to cry out,i really do.But im so physically exhausted until my tears just fills the eyes and it cant flow.
Tml is my off day, for these coming 4weeks. All 4 off days have been lonely. Couldnt think of going out with anyone else besides her.Only wanna see her. Her mood towards me have been on and off. Sometimes she can be nice and on other days,she is as cold as ice. To me, nice in a way like at least she can be bothered. But now,yeah she is cold again. Saw some messages she sent about a secret that we are sharing now. I thought alot about it. Really alot. If only,it could last forever.If only,it wouldn't be just this 1 time.Sigh. It feels good to feel that ur mine again for that moment next week.Even if ur not coming back then,i still love u. I cant wait to have u. Well, if u happen to be reading this, dun worry coz no one else noes my blog.So,yeah.
Work has been very tiring and stressful. Im gng crazy. Really i am. They are pushing me so hard. Im already trying my best but they keep telling me to be faster faster. This is so fast as i could go. Sigh. Keep nagging and saying me. There' s nothing i could do but to accept all this quietly.There's a last min important function on Sunday and im in charge in the morning. Im dead.Very dead. I think i should reach there 1hour earlier than usual if im gonna rush everything ready.Geez.That means i can only slp for less than 2hours!!!!!!!!!! Sigh keith ah keith, ur gonna faint any moment. Yes i am.
I think im gonna give up on myself soon. Have been really lonely and tired. There's so many ways to die. Im choosing the most painful way.Which is slow death. Yeah,let's see how long my body could take the pressure im giving myself.
I love you
Where are u? I wish u were here.Alone in a corner now. There's no one there when i'm breaking down....

Goodbye my lover

2006-04-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?

Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?

'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,

Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.

So I took what's mine by eternal right.

Took your soul out into the night.

It may be over but it won't stop there,I am here for you if you'd only care.

You touched my heart you touched my soul.

You changed my life and all my goals.

And love is blind and that I knew when,My heart was blinded by you.

I've kissed your lips and held your hand.

Shared your dreams and shared your bed.

I know you well, I know your smell.

I've been addicted to you.

[x2]Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer and when i wake,

You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.

And as you move on, remember me,Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.

I've watched you sleeping for a while.

I'd be the father of your child.

I'd spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We've had our doubts but now we're fine,And I love you, I swear that's true.

I cannot live without you.

[x2]Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I'm asleep.

And I will bare my soul in time,When I'm kneeling at your feet.

Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.

I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

The hardest part

2006-04-17T22:41:00.000+08:00

Wanna make love to u. The bond that we share is too overwhelming. I was blown away by everything. U told me that u aint coming back now. There's so many ppl liking u,claiming that they will wait for u.But i believe in myself that my love for u surpasses them all. U should know why. Have gone through so much with u. I never make empty promises, u know me best.Hugs.

What the fuck came up

2006-04-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

Life is like fuck. It turns against u. No matter how hard i try. I realised today that i shouldnt be the one getting hurt. Why cant i hurt others? I will. Love u,but it doesn't change the fact that ur leaving. Like i said,u've grown up.The days when u needed me, has gone. Now,the days when u need ur family and friends,has come. What was my purpose in my love life? I was just a puppet. Now,my strings has been broken. Im just a dying puppet. Don't come close to me,not anyone. When a person leaves u, it ends up that the person who leaves,ignores u.And the person who didnt leave,clings on to it. Why is this so? If memories was cherished and remembered, why do cruelty and coldness come in? I don't believe in being happy anymore. I gave myself a chance in believing.But i was wrong. Got a job now. Yeah,so what? so what.Sigh. My life is so monotanous. I give up. Drinks,smokes,fake smiles,tears,reminising.It all comes together. She is happy now. I wasnt a good painter. Seems that i was nothing. Suffering.Yes i am. Losing alot of weight recently. I should feel good that i am. Right? Jealousy and everything.I am trying to lose it. Am i crying now? i dunno.the tears are coming.But im trying to keep my mind blank as i cry. Ur reading this,i know u are.Becoz i told u so. Are u just a dream? I woke up and realised ur gone. I was dreaming for a year plus.What a long dream. And when i woke up,i was all alone. Every dream i had, it wasnt reality.It was a lie. Im not meant to be loved. REALLY. I am not. Coz u left. Mixed emotions. Im not only upset. Friends and family and loved ones, no one is true anymore. Im all alone. That's when chester and chicky comes in.I realised i threw them aside.I'm sorry.Ur just a toy,im being childish. Ur just a toy. Keep my stuff, whether u are coming back or not.U can throw them away if u wan. So what if i gave my all, to everyone else,it was not good enough or maybe they are jus bored.Sigh. This song is dedicated to u. "Where'd you go" Congrats to ur freedom and happiness. U told me before that u wunt give me up for anything in the world. In the end.u did. Don't make empty promises anymore. U ripped me. And now i can R.I.P. I will be waiting and loving u always.But do u even care? even give a fuck? Go listen to others then. Everything i say to u now, is just crap to u. I was once ur everything, now im nothing. Keith, u shld just go to hell.Yes i will.Keith will go to hell soon.Real soon.

feel like just killing myself

2005-11-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

Once again,i fucked things up again.Yep.I admit,i aint happy just giving up for my driving.I wanted to pass it.Not only did i waste money.I wasted my time and my hopes.Im an idiot.I don't blame anyone but why am i always dng such things to mess up my own life.I really dunno why.I feel like crying now.No.Have to be cool about it,that's what baby sees me as.Baby thinks i dun set my piorities right.Oh well,i woke up at 8am for nothing.Guess she feels that i dun take it seriously.But in fact,i do.Wanna slap myself now.
Just went to ask whether i could have allowance tml.NO.okae,nvm.FUCK.i freaking wan the job.Why haven't they called me yet?! Can jus break dwn now.Im stressed up.I need the money.
Finally,got the letters to collect my baking certs.Well,the results are satisfactory.But i believed that i could have done better. Maybe im just have high expectations of myself.I always had.I just dun show it.
Gotta look for more job interviews next week,just in cast the previous job dun call.Im praying like mad.I need a chance to regain my status,my dignity and myself.X'mas and my b'dae is coming.I dun wanna have a broke celebration.i wanna enjoy.i wanna be happy :( sigh..............

2005-11-17T14:31:00.000+08:00

collide

2005-11-14T17:15:00.000+08:00

Cat caught ur tongue

2005-11-14T17:03:00.000+08:00

A cuppa

numb

2005-11-14T14:14:00.000+08:00

Am i happy? i guess i am.Maybe not all the time.Why do things seem blur now? quarrels,misunderstandings,etc.im trying so hard not to let my past repeat itself.Why are u dng this to me god? wanna fucking take my life away again? can't i just be happy,can't my gf love me.No.She is screaming at me,she isnt the same anymore.what is happening,what have u done to her.Give her back to me.
Im so tired,everyday when i face everyone.dun wanna lose anyone,anything.instead,i feel that im losing myself.suddenly just feel like isolating myself.baby doesnt seem to love me anymore.she just tore a part of me again.i can't close my wound.new wounds seem to be coming up now and then.but i have to take it,i have to bear with the pain.or else i keep thinking to myself that baby will leave again.trying so hard to change.keeping things perfect,keeping things great.everyone around me is breaking up,i dun wanna be one of them.i have given my all to this rs,i can't turn back now.i can't just throw it all away like them.my perseverance is killing me.can someone talk to me? can someone just ease my suppressed emotions? so scared to tell baby anything now.she screams and scolds me.baby wasn't lidat in the past.she doesn't seem to listen to me anymore.to her,im bad.when baby flares at me,i tried to stay calm,but not for long.becoz i really dun deserve this. if simple promises can't even be kept,i dun see the confidence of having a bigger promises. she doesn't put me in piority anymore.guess life is lidat.she has her studies,her frens and her family and herself. she doesn't need me anymore.that's what i feel now.yes. somehow we are only happy when we go out together.she needs me,im there. but when she leaves,im just a person.Baby always forgets whatever i say. it makes me feel that,there's no point in telling her anything anymore,when she doesn't even make it a point to listen or remember.maybe that's her.she said,"that's the way i am,accept it or not it's up to u".compromising is outta the picture.i doubt she even remember that she said she will change her flaws. why doesn't she treat other ppl lidat,only me.reminds me of some stuff. one day,yes just one day,maybe somehow i wouldn't wanna keep my life anymore.baby doesn't believe that i can do it. it take courage to live and to die. i have to choose one.soon i will.i dunno what else to say.i feel so numb now.yes,after crying.im numb.i love her.im gng through alot of pain in my heart and mind.

HaPpY

2005-11-13T00:14:00.000+08:00

Happy 10mths Anniversary Baby!!! I love u...

13th marks our 10mth

2005-11-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

I can never forget the times we spent together,it's simply great.Today,i knew dear's leg was in pain,took a cab to pick her up from her hse.Went up to her empty place for a short while to have some lost intimate moments.What more can i ask for? Okae,i did ask for more.Perhaps next Monday?hugs.Went to city hall,bought a cookie and we had Pasta Mania.Baby dint know how to pronounce it properly,so i helped her.whahaha.As usual,we can't finish the meal.Hmm,after that baby needed to go poopoo,and i was at the cubicle beside her.Smelly sia.Hehe.We went to the toy fair to take a look.Then we saw Ben & Jerry's ice cream parlour.Yes~! that's the first time i saw a B&J outlet,it was so cool.But packed with ppl.Went over to millenia walk and sat down AT Fuzion for a nice glass of ice lemon tea.Yup,mine tasted nice....but dear's rum and raisin...errr....let's not tok about it shall we.Took lots of photos there.Felt kinda vain.Act model.LOL.After that,went over to marina square.WOW! The place changed so much,there's so much to eat and shop.*regrets* nvm.next time go there again.Baby fell in love with a toy bin.Haha.Had a romantic walk on the roof and then at Esplanade.There's nothing more to feel,coz my love for u has just reached the limit.More than u will ever know.Walked to raffles and had a quick bite at 7-ll with u.That's about it.Wished u didnt have to leave so soon.It makes such a huge difference just having u by my side for another min or so. Oh yar,baby was limping the whole day when walking up and down the stairs.I felt so heartpain.Hugs.*sayang baby*
All i wish now is to get the job on Wednesday,and give baby a good life.

jealousy kills

2005-11-09T22:53:00.000+08:00

Supposed to meet today,then cancelled,then supposed to meet again,then cancelled again,then FINALLY we met.Rushed in less than an hour,MY WORLD RECORD.Okae,i gotta admit,she was in a mess.Sweaty,stinky and fashion disaster.But hey,she's having PE. Nvm,kinda reminds me of the times we had sex,it's about the same.*Grin* Love it.I was as usual,super nice,brought her clothes to change and went home just to help her switch into another bag.Coz her fake"Gucci" bag was in bad condition and it totally doesn't match her clothes.*PS pardon the small lettering on the word F.A.K.E, baby doesn't want anyone to know.Whahaha.....?
Took a cab and met up with another person.Hmm,i shan't say further.Oh well...should i?NO!
*Fast forward*
Okae,went to the library after dinner and played pool.Oh well,i thrashed them.But i shall be modest,coz i know i can improve further.Hehe.
Anyway,tml gng for interview.Wish me luck yeah.*cross fingers*
A message for baby:I love u alot,and i know most of the time u dun mention alot about me or us in ur blog.Guess i can only write it myself.And i've never felt so jealous.I can be even more jealous.What have u turned me into? A green eyed monster.......................

Reborn

2005-11-09T11:26:00.000+08:00

Yep,my blog is finally alive again.A new skin,a new life.

looked down

2005-05-19T20:52:00.000+08:00

Being looked down is what i detest the most.But sadly,im looked down upon my own family members.I really longed for the day,when i would achieve something in life and eventually prove them all wrong.Wish i could throw the money at them.Some may think that it's wrong to think this way,but if they knew the words that come from their mouth,they would understand why.For all my life,my parents never failed to call me a failure.Now,even my grandma calls me that.I guess ppl around me feel that way too.
There isn't abit of moral support left in my life.Im so heartbroken.Seems like everyone is being so contradicting.
Wanna write alot of happy stuffs in my blog.But looking at all the past sad entries,i guess i'll just continue being like that.

so sorry

2005-05-12T12:20:00.000+08:00

Maybe im not that perfect in ur eyes afterall. Im sorry.My flaws are starting to show.U're right,im changing.Turning more selfish.But that's all becoz i want u with me all the time.I guess im overdoing everything.I shld chill.I realised that after being with u, u melted the cold heart that i once had.U made me feel like loving u more and more each day.I love u.
Why are arguements happening all the time? I hate them so much.And yet,i caused most of them.Im sorry.Do not cry anymore.I really don't know what else to do.Im so lost in my mistakes and life.Guide me,tell me what to do.*crys* I just wanna make my promise.

everyone jus fuck off

2005-05-09T10:01:00.000+08:00

Fuck everyone around me.I hate this man.I'd woke up early,bathe,ate my breakfast and suddenly...........EVERYTHING'S RUIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.Im so angry,i could just break something.But i dint.In the end,why did tears fall down??!!!! Coz i've had enough of people playing me.Or rather,God is playing games with me.Well,fuck it.From now on,i'll NOT MISS OR HAVE THE ENTHUSIASM FOR ANYTHING ANYMORE.COZ IN THE END,IT ALWAYS NEVER HAVE THE CHANCE TO HAPPEN.THINKING OF U THE WHOLE NIGHT SUCKS! MISSING U SUCKS! COZ UR MUM ALWAYS HAVE TO SPOIL MY PLANS TIME AND TIME AGAIN.U SHOULD KNOW THAT THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME! I'VE NOT DONE THIS TO U BEFORE LOR.WELL,SINCE THIS IS SO.LET'S NOT EVEN MEET UP THIS WEEK.HOW DOES THAT FEEL??????!!!!!FUCK MAN.

changes

2005-04-30T09:49:00.000+08:00

I have said what i've wanted to say.It's all up to what lies ahead now.I do not wanna talk bout my fear no more.

everything seems like fuck

2005-04-29T16:03:00.000+08:00

Kinda sick of certain happenings in my life now.Everyone is really pissing me off.How unappreciative! How selfish! Wanna rid the world of people of the same fucking kind.
Well,i guess i sound pretty angry huh.I AM.
Wish someone would pay attention sometimes besides doing their own stuffs.I don't mind giving time to people,but who will give me time when i need it too? Selfish,really selfish.
Talked to mum just now,hated that cocky face of hers.Damn,if im really working and having the cash right now,no one would ever treat me this way.Where has all the respect gone to now?
I really feel that my family isn't encouraging at all.I mean,who ever tells their own child that they are stupid,hopeless and everything else that's negative? My family does that to me. They are a bunch of calculative people.
My mum said that i was showing off my English.Saying that im jus an average person who is not as smart as i think i am.Geez.What the hell???!!! They look down on me like fuck.She even say that i purposely use bombastic words that she even has trouble finding in the dictionary.I can't believe it??!!! What's wrong with the sensitivity of people nowadays??!!!!
And finally,me and my baby's rs is getting weird day by day.She won't know how badly i wanna record the way she talk to me,that's so different time and time again.Im not sure whether im being paranoid or what.But so far,i have NEVER been wrong about my bad vibes and intuition. Maybe there's a first for everything.But i don't think,the time is now.
Oh yar,saw something that really made me feel "yucks".It can be a person or a thing.But i won't tell.
[the world is collasping under people's disgusting feet]-keith-

what is happening

2005-04-19T09:14:00.000+08:00

Tears for all nights
Everything came crashing down yesterday night.It did.For once,i felt so good after crying all out.Stopped only when all the tears drained out.Tiring.
Hated everyone around me for not being understanding,caring and supportive.And all i could ever think of is to finish off all of these nonsense with "death".Yes i mean it.Should i or should i not? Well,silence means consent.
All night i've been having bad dreams.Baby was always drifting further apart from me in those dreams.She wasn't herself.She didn't want me anymore.But those were only dreams.Will they ever come true?
Im hurting real bad now.All words seem so empty.All truth seem so fake.Whatever i say now won't make a difference anyway.I've been a disappointment to the one i love.I've been a burden to everyone.All is lost coz im stucked with nothing.I dunno how or what to do anymore.I don't wish to try.I might not make it.I never can.
Maybe i should end up hating myself too.
[It's ending soon]-keith-

spoilt my day

2005-04-17T19:33:00.000+08:00

Sigh,my day is spoilt by some overbearing b*tch in my hse.Sadly,she is known as "mum".Why do she always hafta twist and turn facts.I really hate it when she screams at me.She claims that i was the one who was rude.Oh well,what's new.
Acted like she wasn't even there.Invisibility was good,but i wished i could turn off the volume that was blasting from her freaking mouth.Geez.Give me a break man.
Anyway,realised i looked quite shagged when i was staring at the mirror.Haven't been sleeping much,rather late nights.Sometimes i just can't get to sleep.
Feel like breaking down so much.I can't find the reason why.Is it weird to even have the thought of dying? I mean...it's like my life is complete becoz i've the gal of my dreams,but there's always a small empty space deep in me that causes me to suffer from isolation and thus leading me to minor depressions now and then.
Dunno whether baby will be reading this now,hope she keep my spirits up.NEED U SO MUCH.

Flashback

2005-04-17T12:10:00.000+08:00

Okae,i know i've been rather lazy these few days to blog.Hahaha much fun has happened for the past few days.It was great.
3rd Month Anniversary
I went to baby's hse to cook for her.We spend lots of quality time together.And of course,hugs and kisses.Hahaha then went downstairs to play with our little Toby.I'll introduce who is Toby in awhile's time.Overall,i knew it was going to be a great day.
Toby the Cat
Well,me and dear finally have our own baby.And his name is called Toby.He is a cat,but please don't mention that infront of him.Coz he may get offended.Hehehe.We found Toby last week,and since then he has been responding to us.Toby is simply adorable,he runs up to us all the time and lies down just right beside us.He has a nice colour too,orange and white.Hahaha.We love him very much.Toby is so faithful,he climbs up the stairs to the 10th story just to wait for us to come find him to play.Hugs.
Past few days
Anyway,i just wanna tell my baby that i love her alot.We have been laughing alot and basically,just having fun.*smiles* I feel that we are really close and have so much things in our lives to share.Really don't wanna let u go when your lying in my arms.Hugs.
Star Wars
Awww....man.I've been crazy over Star Wars recently.Watching the videos and everything.Went to hunt for the posters to frame them up in my room.But was kinda expensive though.So i will be waiting for the reprint at the end of the month,at least it will be more affordable.Hmm,will be buying M&M Star Wars chocolate too.Whahahahah but won't be eating them la.Just collecting.
Pastry Chef
Oh well,finally BITC sent me a mail about the baking course im interested in.Will be checking it out soon.
Driving License
Okae,i can't believe it.The test for all the later months have all been booked.Arghhhh.....in the end,i've to go for the test in May.Nevermind,just have to study more each day.But i didn't.Die man.Hahahaha.Dear is gonna kill me if she hears this.

To Be Continued...........

Enjoy!

2005-04-04T00:50:00.000+08:00

Please enjoy new section called "Pictures".Click on it and stroll down to view pics.

stop

2005-04-03T11:36:00.000+08:00

What am i doing to myself? Im practically stressing myself out.Reason:Coz i love her.
I ain't feeling too good about myself.Felt that i could be better.I think i'd reach out too much until i seem to be falling hard on my face.I didn't believe that i could love the 2nd gal more than the 1st,but in the end, i did.And this is really pure true love.It's been only less than 3mth and yet she's making me feel like giving up everything for her.There's something about her that i can't explain,she's different from others.Let's just hope that she doesn't change for the worst.
Baby,are u keeping anything from me? I hope ur not.Hugs.I can't accept betrayals or let-downs.
No more chances will ever be given to those who turn their backs on me.
Call me cruel,or cold-hearted.But that's just part of knowing the meaning of "Once bitten,twice shy".
Anyway,today i'll be hanging out with baby.Hmm,tml will be either going for that job interview or gonna go BBDC.But i intend to go BBDC on Tuesday instead,coz i haven't taken my passport photo.
Hmm,took some neoprints few days back.Baby wanted to.Aiming for a digital camera now,so we could use that instead.Just updated the front of my blog with one of our pics.
Gonna stop here for now.
[great....just great....im going nuts]-keith-

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!

2005-03-29T11:44:00.000+08:00

FUCK BLOGGER! FUCK EVERYTHING! WROTE SO MUCH AND FUCKING BLOG HANG.I DUN WANNA WRITE ANYMORE ALREADY! GO TO HELL.

burnt

2005-03-26T11:13:00.000+08:00

Went sun tanning at Sentosa on Good Friday.It was quite fun.But there were some probs along the way.Anyway,everything's fine and great now.Got sun burnt again.Luckily,baby bought aloe vera gel to soothe down the pain.Thanks for applying it for me.I love u.
This morning my mum scolded me again.It's not the normal kinda lecture u get from your family.But it's something that stabs me right in the heart with cold reality.
Sometimes i wonder why is there a beginning for certain things,did i make a wrong choice?
My life was ruined by her once,but somehow she turn the tables around and made the wrong doings my fault.
Now,i've found a new love.She gives me her all and showers me with love and care.I feel really lucky and blessed with her by my side.But at the same time,im afraid everything will just end up the same again.I feel really tormented by my past.I can't seem to find the trust again.I just don't believe in happy endings anymore.I've changed.I ain't the same.
Am i hurting the one i love with my words? Im sorry that i can't find the confidence that i used to have a long time ago.Everyone doesn't seem to care or love me.I can't feel it coz i still feel so alone every night.I don't sleep well.I still cry myself to sleep.
But im still strong.I still show everyone that im happy.I am.
Just hope everyone will know that i ain't stupid,but i just prefer to feign ignorance.Coz to me,it's better this way.Then no one will ever know that i know what's happening around.
I have alot in my mind.I wish to share with ya.But will u ever feel that im jus someone complaining? That's another thought i have in mind.
Sigh.
[loving to hurt myself,i just do]-keith-

what a long time

2005-03-23T19:32:00.000+08:00

Wow,its been ages since i last blog.Well,quite busy in a way.Having lotsa fun with dear and at the same time stressing myself on how to sort out my life.Hmm,let's do a short flashback shall we? Okae,i went to Genting last week for about 4days.Not too bad.Surprising i enjoyed myself,but baby was always on my mind.Bought lotsa stuffs for her.Hehe.Im glad that u liked it.
Okae,now we talk about yesterday.Came over to your hse and all i could say was "GREAT".Hahaha you should know why.What a memorable day.Watched "Quill" with ya on the tv.Love the dog so much.
Oh yar,u came over to my place today.I made sandwiches for ya and u bought mochi ice cream for me.We had titbits and drinks downstairs.Then went to had ice pops.Guess we are really enjoying a simple lifestyle.Maybe it's a good thing.
Played some basketball and after that we just lie down on the ground and watched the clouds.Feeling was just so peaceful.
Hmm,have been spending time with ya at Holland V also.It was a nice place.Dun mind going there almost everyday with ya.Hugs.
Okae.Guess i'll stop here for now.Love ya so much.
[my life is almost complete]-keith-

gone

2005-03-10T12:39:00.000+08:00

Well,let's just say i had lots of fun for the past few days.I've got a feeling my jaws are getting bigger,coz i kept laughing and smiling at every single thing my baby's been doing with me.Haha.Anyway,i won't be around in S'pore next week and all i could think about is U.Sigh,i really wish i wouldn't hafta go,then u could come over to my house and stay over.Dear,im kinda worried for u and i know im gonna miss ya so badly.But promise me that we won't drift apart okie? Hmm,hopefully i'll win lotsa money in the casino over there.And then,get lotsa goodies for ya.Hehehe.Hugs.Just remember to take care of yourself baby.
Recently,u've been paranoid over certain stuffs that has been on your mind.Pls don't okae.Coz they aren't worth worrying about.U should know that she can't be compared to u.I really don't like my past and im not even happy being in it.All i ever want now,is just u and me.
If u noticed,ever since ur with me,every single thing im blogging about is always happy stuffs.That's all i could ever feel when im with u baby.Hugs.I love u.
[if i've a ring,it'll just fit into yours]-keith-

sunburnt

2005-03-05T23:57:00.000+08:00

Today,went out with dear and other frens.It was great.We went to the beach and had a blast.Really fun.Cycled for about 2hours,then took a walk down to the rock and sat down there.After that,the rest of them came and we cycled again for another 2hours!!!To tell u the truth,when i reach home,my ass still hurt so much.Hahaha.Oh yar,when we were having dinner at mac,everyone suddenly realised how red i've become.Hhahahaha yep i got sunburnt and became a red lobster.Everyone was kinda staring when i was on my way home.But it's cool,love it.Anyway,promised dear that we'll go to the beach once every week.Hehe.Love ya so much.
Oh yar,i forgot to mention that my baby looks so hot with her bikini.Shhh.......don't let her hear,or else im dead.*grins*
Okae la,i guess i'll stop here for here.To be continued....
[I love the sun!]-keith-

lazy me

2005-03-01T22:48:00.000+08:00

Well,it's been quite some time since i last sat down and really start blogging about every single thing that has been happening in my life.Maybe im jus lazy or maybe i jus ain't got the mood to write anything.
Hmm,most probs have been settled in a way i guess.But the scars of betrayal and humiliation is still there.I guess i've been mixing around with bad influence when i was still working.Can't trust anyone nowadays.I tried to regain trust in ppl,but sadly it didn't worked out.
Still,i know i will have my baby gal.Hopefully,u won't turn ur back against me as well.
Anyway,went to collect your O level results with ya yesterday.Im so proud of u dear.U did so well.Scored 14 for ur L1R5.Wow,4As and 3Bs.Really happy for ya.Gave u a big hug and kiss.Saw u smiling the whole day.Hahaha.
Kinda "celebrated" the day at ur hse today.Hehe.Cooked stuffs for ya.Glad u were full.Then after that, u accompanied me to Jurong Point to cut my hair.Thanks dear.I feel so much better now that my hair is neater.
Yep, im also gonna accompany u tml to go to check out all the courses and etc.Don't worry,i'll go through all these procedures with ya.And when everything is settled,we will go job-hunting together.Hehe can't wait to work with ya in the same place.I think it'll be really sweet and cool.Coz we could look out for each other.
Okae la,don't say i never blog okie?Coz i write down so much stuffs already.
Guess im gonna stop here for now again.To be continued....
[why can't money drop from the sky?]-keith-

i love u

2005-02-26T14:00:00.000+08:00

Baby,everything has been going great with ur presence in my life.What more can i ask for.Well,spend almost everyday together.But i really dunno how long all these is gonna last,coz u'll be starting sch soon and i'll be finding a job soon too.Hmm,but i guess both of us will try to make time for each other right?*smiles* Don't worry,we will stay happy.
Anyway,for the past few days.We kinda had some surprising stuffs for each other.Actions and words.Don't u think so? -grins- I really hope one day we can really stay out all day together.It will be real fun.And of course,romantic.
Love all ur kisses and everything.U have been the most wonderful gf.Hugs.I love u.
Guess i'll stop here for here.To be continued...
[just u and me.It ends here]-keith-

everything went wrong

2005-02-19T23:02:00.000+08:00

Well,this month is even worst than i expected.Just went everything seemed right in my life, and then soon after everything else came crashing down on me again.I don't think i should even mention it here.But luckily i've u by my side.A day with ya at the beach just to take the load of our shoulders really worked out fine.I felt so much better.Just sitting on the big rock and looking out into the sea with ya,was just so relaxing.Thanks baby.Hugs.We watched the stars when the skies turned to night.And walked down the beach with the sand and the waves through our feet.The feeling was just great.Picked some seashells for ya too.
But all of these hafta end so soon.Sigh.We went home after that.And soon,we have to face hell again.Im so afraid.But i know that we'll always be there for each other.
Baby,just remember where we can always find each other if we ever left home one day.And i know the "rock" wishes we made will come true.I may not know what u'd wished for,but i just hope it comes true for ya.Love ya so much.
Anyway,we did alot of first times with each other today.Im glad it was with u.Anyway,saw part of the Chingay parade as we were crossing the road to Cityhall mrt.What a great treat for both of us.Don't u think so baby? Hahaha.Don't worry okae,u will always have me.
Hmm,waiting for ya to come online now.I miss u alot.
[never gonna leave ur side.cheer up and smile]-keith-

it's finally done

2005-02-18T21:04:00.000+08:00

Wow,it's finally done!!!I spend about 3hours plus trying to create a new blog skin yesterday and i kinda added in new features.Anyway,if u peeps wanna change the music that is in the background,just click on any music titles in the playlist.Enjoy urself yeah!!!

love birds

2005-02-14T12:11:00.000+08:00

HaPpY VALeNtiNe'S dAy!!!!!

it's so much fun

2005-02-13T23:04:00.000+08:00

Well,spend the evening with u.Happy Anni!!! Anyway,went to Woodlands Causeway point to eat dinner.Cut my finger and it was bleeding.And after that,spend the next few hours at this new arcade with lots of cool stuffs to play with.Very interesting indeed.Hahaha.And we had soooooooooooooo much fun there.Tml we must go again to play the trivia game okie?Hehehe.AND DON'T LOSE THE CARD!!!Got our tickets inside hor.Oh yar,did i mention that i got hit on the head by a basketball??!!!! This idiot dear ar,told me she is from basketball last time.Dunno whether it's true or not.Her aiming like shit man.Throw so hard until rebound and hit my head.Geez.Hahaha.Bleah,and i beat u at bowling.Got so many strikes.Whahaha.
Hmm,stop by at the carnival for a short while and ate candyfloss and had coconut juice.Wanted to play all the games there.But i guess we have to wait till tml.Gonna spend our vdae at the beach and the carnival.Can't wait to enjoy myself with u tml.Wanna win lotsa stuffs for u.Hope we have a blast tml.Hehehe.Remind us to go watch the stars at night okie?
Sent u home and i very guai today leh,coz went home using the public transport.*grins*
Got something funny happened along the way home,i saw my secondary sch fren in the train and she came over to talk to me.Then she went off at the same station with me,which is Lakeside.Then as we went down the escalator,she suddenly asked:"where is this place?" i replied:"lakeside lor,why?" And the next moment,she screamed:"arghhh...i came down together with u for what???!!!! i talked to u until i blur already.I should be alighting at Boon lay." hahahaahhaahahahahahh.......so funny man.She started beating me.But she told me that she had a nice time talking to me.
Okae la,gonna stop here.Need to call u le.
*okae,a change of plans.i can't call u coz ur parents are slping in ur room.sigh damn sad now man.
[u gave me a new life.Now,i've been reborn]-keith-

pests

2005-02-12T14:24:00.000+08:00

Oh yar,forgot to mention that i saw somebody as well.Dunno whether is bad or good thing.But she did said i changed though.Oh well,i don't give a fuck about ppl who is blacklisted in my friends list.

it was great

2005-02-12T11:29:00.000+08:00

Yesterday,went out with bro and u.Everything turned out really great.Well,i just hope it stays that way.Hmm,went to have lunch at Cineleisure.And after that,we had a pool session there.Wah,i dint expect myself to win all the games i played man.It was like a very totally different case from the last one i had with u and pj.Hahaha.I told u that i would play better with my buddy right?And my lucky ball is the stripe one.Hehehe believe me now? I love the 9-feet table now.*grins*
Anyway,Christina came over few mins later.And i was introduced to her.The gal's cool man.Not too bad.Haha u were jealous yesterday.Kept asking me whether i would fall for her or other gals.I won't okae!!! U didn't really like it when other gals stare and stuffs.Well,baby i only got eyes for u.Errr...though i noticed this gal at Adidas...erm,u also agreed that she was pretty right?Hahaha sorry la dear.
After that,went to shop at taka and wisma.And we had gelato ice-cream.Great.Thanks baby.
Hmm,met up with Marie as well.She was kinda shag,so she dint tok much.Noticed that there were some tension going on between Marie and Christina,coz of some probs.Oh well....
Went to Bugis to eat teppanyaki for dinner.Baby,u told me that it was ur first time trying it man.I really hope u enjoyed yourself.Hehe.
Brought u to Breko after dinner and we had a drink there.Both of us felt like ordering another beer,but i guess it's not a good idea to do so,especially with Marie and Christina still argueing.I guess we shouldn't.U agree? So i tried to finish one bottle slowly.But still,i finished the fastest there.Geez.
Kinda consoled and adviced Christina on her love life with Marie.Just hope everything turns out fine.*Pray* Don't let it all go to waste guys.
Looked at dear,and i promised her i wouldn't treat her the same way as what happened between them.I know i won't.Just want u to be happy.
We took some photos in your hp.Hey,remember to faster get the cable okie?Then can send to me the pics.Yep.
Sent u home in a cab.Hmm,things got kinda kinky in the cab.Hehehe.Well,control control.
Okae la,gonna stop here for now.
To be continued.........................
[does one need to be selfish to love? it's all about giving and compromising.T-R-U-S-T]-keith-

outside

2005-02-11T09:26:00.000+08:00

Today is just another day of Feb.How am i gonna spend the day? Well,will be out with buddy and u.Anyway,have been thinking alot bout some stuffs lately.I mean ALOT.Sigh.
But i just can't seem to find the answer to the problem that lies ahead of me.I just know that im really happy now,and i wouldn't ask for more.
I know i've let someone down.And if her decision is made up soon,i just wish i can have the courage to open up my mouth to say the words.Im sorry gal.U'll never know how bad i feel.Just don't understand why is all these happening now.Sigh.
Now,i know my baby gal is reading this.And she is starting to feel paranoid again.Don't be okae.I don't make empty promises.Im already stressful enough about this matter,so just be there by my side to help me overcome this obstacle okae pls.
The bottomline is,i don't wanna hurt anyone.Deep down,my heart is bleeding.I just hope it heals soon.Coz the pain is killing me.
God,please guide me and help me save the tears from their eyes.Sigh.
[never gonna hurt u baby]-keith-

blur me

2005-02-10T13:37:00.000+08:00

I learnt something new today.
-Facial wash is not equal to toothpaste.
-Check colour of toothpaste before brushing.
-Start laughing about your stupidity before it comes to u.
Hahahaha....yep.Anyway,New Year is pretty boring this year.Nearly fell aslp at relative's hse coz i didn't slp the whole night jus the day before.Talked to u all night on the phone and we had breakfast in the morning before gng visiting.Hehe.Oh yar,there were 2 dogs at my relative's hse.They were soooooooooo cute.Couple dogs.Kinda hugged and played with them.So friendly and they licked me.Hahaha but it doesn't matter,coz i love dogs.
Hmm,staying at home today.But gng out for awhile to meet u and then go makan nearby.
Guess im gonna stop here for now.
To be continued..............................
[im happy.Are u?]-keith-

why am i crying

2005-02-07T22:29:00.000+08:00

Today was one of the most difficult period of my life.All i could say was,tears kept coming on my way home.Why was i crying?I guess it was becoz something u have said.I feel like a fool now.Maybe God is playing the same joke on me again.Pls don't make me hate u once more,by taking away everything or someone that ever meant so much to me.
Now,as i type away in my com.I stare blankly at everything around me.
In my mind now,is just finding ways to take the pain away.I used to hurt myself mentally and physically.Maybe it's time to start again.At least,i'll feel better in a way.Then im a useless freak.Maybe i am.
[do i miss the tears i used to shed?Coz it's coming back.i hope it goes away]-keith-

damn

2005-02-07T11:41:00.000+08:00

Arghhh....not feeling well.Im feeling so damn restless,until i can't even walk properly.Wanna die already la.Sigh.Wish u were here.=(
[somebody save me pls]-keith-

It might be you

2005-02-06T16:43:00.000+08:00

IT MIGHT BE YOU (Stephen Bishop)

Time, I've been passing time watching trains go by

All of my life Lying on the sand watching seabirds fly

Wishing there could be someone

Waiting home for me

Something's telling me it might be you

It's telling me it might be you

All of my life

Looking back as lovers go walking past

All of my life

Wondering how they met and what makes it last

If I found the place would I recognize the face

Something's telling me it might be you

It's telling me it might be you

So many quiet walks to take

So many dreams to wake and there's so much love to make

I think we’re gonna need some time

Maybe all we need is time

And it's telling me it might be you

All of my life

I've been saving love songs and lullabies

And there's so much more

No one's ever heard before

Something's telling me it might be you

Yeah, it's telling me it must be you and

I'm feeling it'll just be you

All of my life

It's you, it's you I've been waiting for all of my life

Maybe it's you

Maybe it's you I've been waiting for all of my life.

everything's great

2005-02-06T13:14:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps.It's been about 4days since i last blogged.Oh yar,my hair isn't ash blonde already.Hahaha now it's ash grey and blue.But kinda fading alittle into another colour.Damn fast man.Oh well,i hope it still looks nice though.*pray*
Anyway,everything's going great in my life now.Im really happy everyday.But there are certain stuffs that are making me kinda stressed up.Guess i have to keep my cool about it.Once it's settled,everything will go on smoothly again.Luckily i've got my baby gal to be there for me.Thanks baby.
15 mins later:Oh my god,my dad just gave me a cheque to settle all the stuffs i was worried about.I really can't believe it man.Dad thanks alot.Thank thanks thanks.
Okae,just called u to tell u that everything's gonna be okae.Hugs.I love u so much.Hehe.Hmm,ur dad coming home from overseas to celebrate the New Year with u and your family.I bet u must be really excited and happy to see him.Anyway,hope u will be able to ask him whether u can go home late during v'dae.Hugs.
Let's have a flashback of what's been happening for the past few days.Hmm,we went out with PJ and went shopping at Orchard.It was really fun.Then the next day,we met up with your best friend,pearl.I really enjoyed every bit of the time with u gals.It was laughter and smiles all day all night.Hahaha.And of coz,i kena beaten up by my dear dear also.Geez.Baby,u abuse me ar.Hahahaha.
Yesterday,had a early reunion dinner at my uncle's house.Sat down by the pool,sipping volka.Whahahaha.Then called u,and u were sick.So rushed down to your place and i gave u so much love and i guess u felt much better.Hehehehehe.Hugs.
Wanted to rush back to Hillview to have a drink or two.But was kinda tired,so went back home first.
Guess i've gotta stop here.To be continued.........................
[love u,and u....and u only........]-keith-

it's over

2005-02-01T01:02:00.000+08:00

It's 1plus in the morning now.Gonna bathe soon.Yep,it's finally over.Yeah!!!No more strings attached to that job.Actually,was supposed to work a few more days.But heck care.Coz your more important to me.Wanna spend more time with ya.
Thanks for everything today.I appreciate it baby.
Guess gonna end here for now.Im really damn freaking shag.Kinda stressed out over a certain matter also.It's gonna be a really big prob for me in the upcoming month.Fuck man.
Oh yar,gonna go for a hair change today.Going ALL out for it.Hahahaha.*Pray*
[baby,im yours always]-keith-

living a life of deceit

2005-01-28T11:35:00.000+08:00

I feel that im living a life of deceit.People around me,are they playing around with me? Today,while u were at school,i found out something.It made me wonder,ponder and think non-stop.I really wish im not a substitute in your love life.Tell me the truth,or rather make me feel otherwise.Terms used to call me,"sweetie","dear","cow dung",etc...i don't want it,if it was actually meant for someone else or if it was used on someone else before.It hurts badly.*Shakes head* What am i to u? Think about it carefully.Remember this question?Am i someone u need coz u love?or someone u love coz u need?
I feel that deep down in your heart,there is someone else whom u love more.
Do u know something?Though i sometimes mention her or her,i know that your with me now.And i won't betray your trust in me.I know what i want.
Now,im just lost again.Why do i even have to go browse through your friendster.I must be nuts.The truth hurts so much.Just wanted to see your pics,but ended up seeing other stuffs.Testimonials...blah blah blah.Sigh.Hahahaha ahhh.....forget it.I am going for a walk now.Need some fresh air.
[im just a fool]-keith-

all i ever wanted

2005-01-27T22:21:00.000+08:00

All i ever wanted to do,was to make u happy.Whatever that i've done for u,i felt that it wasn't good enough.I wanted to do more for ya.Wanted to give u the best of everything.
But then,im afraid u wouldn't want me around anymore.Afraid that u would throw me aside like a toy,afraid that u would change.Im not trying to compare u with her or her.But i just hope u wouldn't turn out the same as the one who left me.I'd told u many times that my heart really couldn't take anymore setbacks in life.Losing everything,having people turn against me,having certain friends as hypocrites,having a family that doesn't understand,is really the worst that can ever happen to one's life.I just don't wanna lose u,don't wanna hear u give me empty promises,don't wanna hear lies,don't wanna cry.
Having u to love me,was truly a blessing.Coz i can finally smile again.
I know how much u wish for me to forget the other her.But just give me more time.There are certain stuffs that cannot be erased.But i believe that,in the future,the memories and times we've gone through together,will overtake other memories of mine.Trust me.
Anyway,i've said some stuffs to u today that shouldn't even come across my mind in the first place.Im sorry.Sorry to make u cry,sorry to make u upset,sorry to say silly stupid words.Im sorry.Please forgive me.I don't want u to see me as a failure.That's why i wanted to leave.But deep down,i knew that wasn't really what i want.U mean so much to me.
Rest assured that i will never ever leave u.But if that day comes and i hafta leave u just to make ur life better in a way,i will.Hugs.
[loving u gives me a reason to live]-keith-

Book Of Love

2005-01-26T15:10:00.000+08:00

Went to watch "Shall We Dance" with u yesterday.And i was so mesmerized by the music.So i went to search and download some of the songs in the soundtrack.And guess what???!!!The song is really called "Book Of Love".Hahaha i was right.Sigh,what a romantic movie.Im really lucky to have u by my side,watching it with me.Thanks.
Well,listening to it now.What a nice song.I promise u i'll burn all the nice songs u like into a cd,okie?Hugs.

Here are the lyrics of the song:

Peter Gabriel-"Book Of Love"

The book of love is long and boring

No one can lift the damn thing

It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing

But I

I love it when you read to me

And you

You can read me anything

The book of love has music in it

In fact that's where music comes from

Some of it is just transcendental

Some of it is just really dumb

But I

I love it when you sing to me

And you

You can sing me anything

The book of love is long and boring

And written very long ago

It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes

And things we're all too young to know

But I

I love it when you give me things

And you

You ought to give me wedding rings

And I

I love it when you give me things

And youYou ought to give me wedding rings

And I

I love it when you give me things

And you

You ought to give me wedding rings

what the hell

2005-01-25T21:35:00.000+08:00

Today started out as a great,fantastic and superb day with u.But it all has to turn out bad,when we were at my house.Damn it man.Im really sorry i got u into this.If only i didn't..........arghhh.What the hell was i thinking man.Im sorry.Sigh.Don't worry,i won't drag u into the matter if my bro tells my parents.Really feel like killing him now.
[the truth will prevail.I hope NOT]-keith-

taking risks

2005-01-24T21:48:00.000+08:00

Spend the day with ya today.It was errr.....fun?Hahaha u should get what i mean.Well,today is the 24th already.Hmm,cooked for u today again.Hope u liked it.
Anyway,finally watched all the vcds already.And went to Lot 1 to return.But in a very funny way,coz didn't pay for the fine.
After that,ate Jolli bean cheese pancake and we got 1 red bean pancake free coz the auntie gave us the wrong one.Lucky us.Haha.
Sent u home and we went to the park to play.In the end,got spotted by your mum.Sigh.
Gonna give u a call now.And ur gonna tell me what she said.God bless us.
[being with u,makes me feel on top of the world]-keith-

im sick

2005-01-23T01:05:00.000+08:00

Sick sick sick sick sick......damn sick.Tired,lethargic,shag.Argh......i need a break.
Im too brain dead to even think of anything to write now.What the fuck.....
[dying.maybe it's better]-keith-

the way i feel

2005-01-21T09:08:00.000+08:00

Feeling kinda sick now.Throat hurts like hell and i caught a flu.Realised that my phelm is like green.Okae i know it's disgusting to say the colour out,but it's really xin ku.
Anyway,saw all the tag messages in my tag-board by Aut.And all of a sudden,i felt down.Coz of the words u said.U do not affect me anymore,but yet i don't think u shld say all these stuffs.
Do u know that ever since u left me,all i think about us is our bad memories.I feel that it hurts so much until it has drowned all the good memories of us.Maybe it's a good thing.At least,i won't be able to hurt myself anymore.I guess ur happy now with ur life.I have always respected ur choice.But it's only at a certain point of time whereby i couldn't accept it.But now,i have been fine with it for a long time already.To tell u the truth,i've always wanted to wait for u.But after seeing u so happy,i told myself that we shld jus leave things this way.After that,i found a new life.I learnt how to stand up by myself.And it feels great to be independant.Now,there is someone who is standing by my side and loving me so much.Im really happy to have her.But all that is ever standing in my way of moving on now,is having 2gals in my heart.Hey baby,if u ever read this,just give me some time.I really dunno what to do.All i need is for u to trust me okae?
I just want everyone to be happy.And i don't believe it's a good idea to break out the truth now.Coz it's gonna be a total mess after that.So let's leave things this way for the time being okae?We are happy.
[maybe i should just fade away]-keith-

i hate u

2005-01-20T21:48:00.000+08:00

I hate u guys(mum and dad).How much pressure do u people wanna exert onto me?Everything i do,never seem good enough for any of u.I've to be perfect.Not a single drop of water,not a single strand of hair,etc.U guys are making me nuts by being such a perfectionist.
Anyway,went out with u today.All i can say is,it was great.I wish i could just stay with u and time would just stop.Im happy.Who would ever understand how happy i am?Who can ever make me smile?Only u.I guess your the only one that ever cares and loves me now.
In the past,no matter what i've done,it doesn't seem to be good enough for others.But now,at least i've found someone who appreciated.Really hope ya won't take me for granted.
Am i doing something wrong?I really wonder.U mean alot to me.Just hope u know that.
Not gonna leave ya.
Now,all that is in my mind is that i really wanna find a way to settle this.Just give me some time.I really dunno how to break the truth out or face them.
Some people may think that im a jerk or whatever.But i guess they are not much any better.Can i trust them?Well,let's see then.
Have been single for far too long.Didn't play around,didn't flirt,didn't do anything.Was faithful all the while.Was also waiting all the while for her,then her,and then another her.All i could say is,i do not have a guilty conscience.I treated everyone nice.But then,realised that certain people wasn't worth waiting anymore.Coz i may risk losing my friends,and losing myself once again.Couldn't take anymore blows in life.One deep fall was good enough.All first loves doesn't really have a happy ending.Don't u agree? But we'll learn from it.
Then now,u felt that there was someone else in my heart.I've told u already.Give me some time to solve it.Im really stressed.Please stand by me.Don't wanna lose anyone.
[never let anyone down,but myself]-keith-

2005-01-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

What should i do God? What's wrong with being happy? I am happy.But yet others don't see eye to eye with me.I once said i would wait for certain people in my life.I did.But i realised that it wasn't worth it anymore.Coz she didn't cherish.Damn.I really hate my life.Fucked up.When can someone ever understand or appreciate me.Not u...nor u...or her.
[i gave u my trust]-keith-

saddest poem

2005-01-19T20:03:00.000+08:00

I Promise U

Looking for that smile,
That comes from the heart.

I couldn't find it,
Till i've found u.

Reminiscing the time,
When my eyes first came upon u.

No words could ever express,
The way i feel for u.

I seem to have known u for a lifetime,
Just like u know me too.

Now that your by my side,
All i ever wanna do is to hold u close to me.

Don't ever be afraid to fall baby,
Coz i'll always be there to catch u.

The thought of leaving u will never come,
Even till the end of time.

I promise to hang on before the day i die,
So u won't have to live a day alone.

Promises will be kept,
And the love shall remain.

All i can say is,
That i love u.And I do.

Sade-By your side

2005-01-19T13:35:00.000+08:00

Sade-"By Your Side"

You think I'd leave your side baby?

You know me better than that

Think I'd leave you down

When you're down on your knees?

I wouldn't do that

I'll tell you you're right when you're wrong

Ah, ah, ah, oh, oh, oh, oh

And if only you could see into me

Ohh, when you're cold

I'll be there

Hold you tight to me

When you're on the outside

Baby, and you can't get in

I would show you

You're so much better than you know

When you're lost, you're alone

Can't get back again

I will find you

Darlin' and I'll bring you home

And if you want to cry

I am here to dry your eyes (ooh)

You know time

You'll be fine

You think I'd leave your side baby?

You know me better than that

Think I'd leave you down

When you're down on your knees?

I wouldn't do that

I'll tell you you're right when you're wrong

Ah, ah, ah, ah, oh, oh, oh

And if only you could see into me

Ohh, when you're cold

I'll be thereHold you tight to me (to me, yeah)

Ohh, when you're alone

I'll be there

By your side, baby

Ohh, when you're cold

I'll be thereHold you tight to me (to me, yeah)

Ohh, when you're alone

I'll be there

By your side, baby

sick

2005-01-19T09:45:00.000+08:00

Well,it's just another day today.Life is really getting better for me in a way.I hope everything turns out fine.Sometimes or rather everytime, i kinda have the feeling that im gonna lose u. But i guess,if God ever wanna take u away from me,then i'll just have to accept it.He has always took away everything that meant so much to me.So maybe,im kinda used to it.Kinda numb.
Anyway,cooked spaggetti for u yesterday.U said it was nice.Im really happy to hear that u liked it.*smiles*
Guess im gonna stop here for the moment.
[the fear of losing someone,brings tears to my eyes.But if u really have to go,i'll set u free]-keith-

New video

2005-01-17T03:50:00.000+08:00

Added in a new video by Eminem-"Like Toy Soldiers".Really cool video.Anyway,just sit back,relax and enjoy the vid.Take care peeps.

pls don't do this

2005-01-16T01:57:00.000+08:00

I really dunno whether your actually reading my blog now.But if u are,u should know who u are.Sigh.I really hope u don't do this to me.Im really happy when im with u.But are u?
I just don't wanna lose u.I need time to sort things out.I have thought about it very carefully.And i really wanna tell u what i have in mind.But your ignoring me.I called u so many times,but i can't get through.Do u have any idea how worried i am? Trust me please.
I guess i really can't get to sleep tonight.I don't really care whether i hafta work today or what.I won't wanna go to slp.
I don't wanna lose u.Do u understand?
[i won't leave u alone.I promise]-keith-

2005-01-07T22:31:00.000+08:00

Love this song by Mandy moore-"Someday we'll know".And there's this part of the lyrics from the chorus.

Someday we'll know

If love can move a mountain

Someday we'll know

Why the sky is blue

Someday we'll know

Why I wasn't meant for you

Pretty sad but means alot.Come to think of it.Oh well,everything has a reason for its happening.Just ask yourself.

whatever

2005-01-07T21:06:00.000+08:00

Just got an mp3 player from my dad.Great! Anyway,it's my life.So no one tries to judge it.Coz your just an intruder aka outsider.Yep.Hmm,gonna give u a call later.Miss ya so much.*Smiles. sigh,but can only call u at 1plus in the morning coz u will be out with someone.
[i don't give a fuck]-keith

no work for today

2005-01-07T14:43:00.000+08:00

Supposed to go to work today,but it was cancelled.Coz going to Starhub centre today to upgrade my plan to MaxOnline 3000 and getting wireless as well.So i could surf anywhere anytime.Great man.Well,not sure of which promotional package to take though.Free computer? Free wireless set? Free printer? Blah blah blah...hmm,not of any interest to me coz i've already got a laptop of my own.Maybe it's of interest to my bro instead.To me,i just want the wireless.Hahaha.
Didn't manage to talk to u at night yesterday.We only chatted online.U were talking to her on the hp,that's why i can't call through.But it's alright.U were tired anyway.I just want u to rest early.
Hmm,someone kinda suggested me to consider going back to HER.Are u joking?U told me the reasons why i should.And all i could say is,i've already got someone else in mind.I just don't wanna get stuck in the middle again.My heart couldn't take anymore stress.One is already enough.U may say that we look more compatible together,but u didn't realise that the other gal is better in a way coz she has charisma.Something which most gals don't have now.
Oh well,just wanna concentrate on this month now.Coz my contract is ending.Planning on how to spend the cash.Getting shoes for new year and clothes.Saw this jersey,love it so much.
Since i changing label to andro soon,gonna get clothes that suit me.The hairstyle will be changed too.Decided to do more and more shavings next month.My current ash blonde will be change to ash brown with grey highlights.Hahaha kinda got everything planned out in mind.Next thing i need to do,is to plan out the outing of me and her.She's a hyper gal,so need to think of something special.
Okae gonna stop here for now.Take care everyone.Byeee....
[it's gonna be a big change,a better one]-keith-

missing u

2005-01-05T23:55:00.000+08:00

It's a boring day at home today.But gotta stay home due to my rashes.Anyway,gotta work tml.I've carefully planned out my entire schedule for the month,so that i'll have enough time for u and my work.But i guess u won't be free until the mid of this month also.Well,i'll wait patiently then.
Hmm,said some stuffs to u in a way which u didn't expect me to say.U weren't quite used to it coz u felt that it's kinda not me.Sigh,if only u knew that i'd always wanted to express to u my words differently.And i was just afraid to do so.I didn't wanna become another "her aka rival".
I wanted to be different.
Really miss u.Oh yar,next month u will be helping me to change already.I guess i'll be fully mentally prepared by then.
Btw,if mab. ur reading this.Im really sorry if i upset u just now.Hope u'll give me a chance to explain.Anyway,u will always be my sis.And u can always count on this big bro of yours to be there for u.Have fun in school ya and pls study hard.
Gotta stop here for now.
[u made my heart jumped out of my mouth *swallow back*]-keith-

waiting

2005-01-05T01:43:00.000+08:00

Well,it's 1plus in the morning now.Im not sleeping yet as usual.Sigh.Just to prove u wrong,i started eating more than my normal intake.And now,i ended up not feeling well and nearly threw up.U said i was really silly to do this.But u won't understand why either.
Our day together ended quite early today.Was kinda disappointed,but it's alright.I knew u were tired due to your expressions and body language.
2days ago,u told me that i've already waited for u for 5months plus.Time really flies.
Anyway,my day started with something rather unpleasant.Maybe i was really unlucky.I guess i really am.Oh well,fuck it,i don't wanna give a damn anymore.
Btw,my infections are spreading all over me.Damn irritating.
Gonna stop here for now.
[though we've met jus now,i still miss u.I'm keeping jealousy outta me.Coz i ---- u]-keith-

dedicating to u

2005-01-04T14:22:00.000+08:00

This song Hush/Shake It Baby-LL Cool J, is dedicated to u.U may not be able to hear it,but the song is for u.

work and u

2005-01-04T13:51:00.000+08:00

Well,it's been 4days since i last update my blog.Hmm,these few days have been quite unlucky for me though it's a new year.Hope everything will be better soon.U told me not to worry.
Anyway,this will be my final month working.My contract will be ending.To me,now my life is only work and u.
Have been feeling quite tired lately,not enough sleep.But it's alright,coz when i meet u,i'll always feel "recharged" again.We always bicker and tease each other.Hahaha i love to "suan" and disturb u.And u will bomb me with your sarcasiam.Well,it's fun actually.
Thank u for spending all the special times with me.As long as u remain,there will be sunshine.
[memories of everyday kept locked up]-keith-

yeah

2004-12-31T01:18:00.000+08:00

Yeah!!!It's finally here.Im 1year older now!!!Hahahaha.Well,i hope everything goes well for me this b'dae.Thanks everyone for being there for me.U guys have made my life happier.
[the day has arrived to finally ask]-keith-

can't believe it

2004-12-28T21:05:00.000+08:00

Forget it.No one will have any idea how upset i am now.Can really just lie down and don't feel like waking up anymore.What the hell...
Why does things have to turn out like that.
[i need some time alone.sigh]-keith-

what a life

2004-12-28T19:07:00.000+08:00

Well,went out with u yesterday evening.Though only seen u for awhile,i feel so much better after seeing u.Don't forget,your my "battery life".Hahaha.
Anyway,im sorry about yesterday night.I didn't mean to rush out to the road like that,sorry to make u cry and worry.Sigh,im so sorry.I promise not to ever do that again.The last thing i would ever wanna do,is to make u angry or cry.U mean alot to me.
Hmm,im very happy your able to spend my b'dae with me.Even if u can't make it that day,it's alright.I really won't mind.Everything this year has really changed drastically.Spending all seasons at work.Being alone.
But im still happy,coz i have someone like u in my life.
Well,there's 3more days to go.I'll be waiting.
Yesterday,when we were talking on the phone,u said that u see the past u in me.U told me not to sacrifice so much for u coz u knew how much it hurts after saying certain stuffs.I admit it do hurts,but i just dunno what to do man.I don't wanna be selfish,but yet at the same time,i don't wanna lose u.This makes me so confused.
Guess i've gotta stop here for now.Take care peeps.
[u came along and made me realised that there is someone like u worth loving instead]-keith-

y am i feeling this way

2004-12-27T01:11:00.000+08:00

It's 1plus in the morning now.Just saw something that made my heart ache.No one will ever know what's it about.Why do these kinda stuffs always happen to me?Please give me a break.I can't take it anymore soon.
4 more days and i'll be asking u once again.Like i said,i'd already guess what your answer might be.But yet,i wanna hear it from u again.Im so freaking hurt.And of all days,i chose it to be on my b'dae.How stupid can i be.
Growing one year older in 4days time.And new year is approaching.For the better or for the worst?I really have no idea man.
Eyes gonna shut down soon.So shag after working during the weekends.So many people.Can really die man.I didn't even have time to breathe.Geez...the crowd in s'pore really sux.Some of them are quite rude.
Anyway,i've been having a tooth ache recently again.Tooth growing out AGAIN.Every month also like that torture me.Sigh.
Guess im gonna stop here for the moment.Have been kinda moody recently.Dunno what's happening to me.
[u are affecting me alot alot]-keith-

merry xmas

2004-12-25T01:00:00.000+08:00

Hey Merry Xmas everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!It's exactly 12am now!!!!!!Happy holidays!!!!!!!!
Listening to jazz music now.So romantic especially when it's xmas.Though will be working during xmas,it doesn't matter.It's a different xmas for me this year,coz it aint the same like last year.But who cares anyway.
Merry xmas to those who have been by my side all along when i was down!Thanks guys for being there for me.Have fun.
[though different,i will adapt]-keith-

i miss u

2004-12-22T21:46:00.000+08:00

Stayed at home today.U were on my mind.No matter what your answer may be 9days later,i'll still wait on for u.Have been so happy ever since u came into my life once again.But lately,i've been stressed up due to some stuffs.Hope u understand.I can see that your very busy with school projects also.Betta take care of your health and try to get some sleep ya.
Anyway,i won't be chatting with ya on the phone tonight,coz i know your busy.Hopefully,i get to see u online when your doing your projects.*Pray*
[i can give you the assurance coz i meant what i said]-keith-

9 more days

2004-12-22T01:42:00.000+08:00

Went to the airport with ya today.I helped you out with your projects by bringing my laptop along and typing for you ur stuffs.Ate Swensens at Terminal 2.
Anyway,alot of "drama" happened on your way home.I felt so worried and afraid when i saw u held your hands close to your chest.U didn't tell me what was wrong.Losing you is the worst thing that can ever happen,so please tell me what's wrong with u.All i know is that your sick.But what are you suffering from?Sigh.
When u went missing,u gave me such a fright until i just waited for u outside your house.Saw u came back safely.Later on,we sat down and talked about alot of stuffs.So much so much.
Finally,i said what i've wanted to say long ago.In the end,i asked you that question.U laughed and kept on thinking it was a joke.But im serious about what i've said.I've told u that i'll ask you again on my b'dae which is on the 31st of dec.Please god,give me a miracle.
[one thin line away from loving u]-keith-

x'mas

2004-12-21T01:37:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps.Just added a x'mas video by Destiny's Child-"Rudolph the red-nosed Reindeer".So happy holidays and Merry X'mas!Enjoy this animated music video.

liking u more and more each day

2004-12-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

It's 1plus in the morning now.Had a very funny and happy day today(Monday).Went out with u and we ate lots of nice snacks at PS.Though it was just a simple meal,i really enjoyed eating it right by your side.We had the XXL Crispy chicken,tako balls,auntie anne's,cheese nachos and anderson ice cream.It was so bloody nice.Hahahaha.
I gave u a surprise by buying u your favourite cup of honey water from "Bee-hive".U smiled at me when u saw it.I'll always remember what u like.
Anyway,we shared the ice-cream sundae together.We walked as we eat.And i had trouble scooping the ice-cream as we were walking.Hahaha.How embaressing.But in the end,u were feeding me most of the time.At that point of time,i felt like the luckiest person.
After that,we went on to eat cheese nachos.And then u realised that u stained your tee.Went to toilet to wash it.But luckily,i knew how to get it off for u with the pink soap.Hahaha.Well,i ended up washing and drying for u your tee shirt in the toilet as u were wearing it.It was so funny,until we both laughed like hell.*smiles*
Sigh,u know something...i feel that im really close to loving you soon.But maybe it's better not said.All i know is,if i end up losing u in the future,then u'll be the last gal i'll ever like anymore.
Im really tired to go fall in love already.In my whole life,only 3 gals were able to make me feel so captivated by everything they do.And it happens that your the 3rd gal.
Thoughts are running through my mind now.I don't wanna lose u.Im really hoping for a miracle.Wish u could give me a chance one day.I really cherish every moment with ya.If only u knew.Sigh.
Anyway,i guess i've gotta take a nap already.Coz u told me to take a nap before i give u a call at 4am in the morning.Okae then.
[Saw how u lost your balance in the train.I held on to u.Trust me.I won't let u fall]-keith-

top again but so what

2004-12-19T23:27:00.000+08:00

Today sales in our shop broke sales record.We won the other shops like hell.I broke my own personal record too,coz i sold the highest number of shoes again.Which is 33 pairs.I made few thousands of dollars and the rest of my colleagues did too.But still,i was wondering so what if i sold the most.Coz in the end,im still stuck with a pathetic pay $$.But nvm,im just aiming for my personal target in sales.At least,it keeps me busy.
Called u using the company's phone today,but again u were so busy.Sigh.In my mind,i always tell myself,"it's alright,i must be understanding",but it happens so often all the time until i don't even know whether im feeling fine or not.
Hmm,managed to intro mab. a new friend.I hope u and her got chemistry,then maybe u will find your true love.And please don't flirt too much la,not good for health.Hahaha.
Anyway,no one can ever imagine how tired i am these few days.I could just faint anytime in the shop today.So fucking busy.I think i didn't even have time to eat and rest for 10mins lor.Lucky,i went to buy some food after work,then eat on the bus when i was on my way home.Sigh.
Oh yar,Peijun was kinda sweet.Coz when she knew that Jason forgot to help me buy lunch,she went to get a stick of seaweed chicken for me.Hahaha so sweet of u.Though it was just a simple snack that cost only $1,i really appreciate it alot.But u should know what kinda person i am,coz i don't like ppl anyhow pay$$ for me stuffs.That's why i insisted that u take the money from me.Yep.I don't like u to waste money la.
Well,suddenly felt very upset about something.It has been on my mind for quite some time already.But i don't like to mention or bring it up.No one really knows what the matter is.Sigh.
Why me?
[What should i do?Left with a blank_________]-keith-

what to do

2004-12-18T23:58:00.000+08:00

Well,today was another day at work.Not too bad.Just tired.Tml will be another day.
Anyway,i've been looking around at everyone around me.And they all seem to be in love with someone/something.Sigh.How lucky.Asked them who they celebrating the holiday season with,and they all answered the same.Of course with their "loved" ones la.Then came the question:"keith,u leh?".Hahaha,what can i say.Just shaked my head and smiled.
Now,watching "You've got mail" on Channel 5.What a nice love story.Love it so much.Watched it alot of times before in the past.Hehe.So sweet.Sigh.
Okae guess i'll stop here for now.
[i miss something.But what is it?I think i know,or maybe not]-keith-

online

2004-12-17T22:53:00.000+08:00

Just had a chat with u online few mins ago.Sigh i guess i won't be calling u these few days.Will u notice?I don't think so.
Anyway,u told me your gonna work and study at the same time.Im pretty worried for u.Coz im afraid u can't cope.But if u think u can,then just go ahead.I support your decision.
Sigh,u wanted me to understand that u won't be free this semester in school.I know.I'll really be missing u everyday and looking forward to seeing u some time soon.
U told me not to sigh too much,but i can't control.Im really feeling pretty down lately.
Gonna stop here.Take care everyone.
[i may end up walking this path alone forever]-keith-

check it out

2004-12-17T14:28:00.000+08:00

Staying at home today.Shag out.Have been going out for the past few days.Reaching home pretty late.Yesterday was fun.
Anyway,starting to miss u already since Wed.Maybe next month will change hair colour again.Die man,sooner or later will have brain cancer.Hahaha.
Time is really flying man.It's already the 17th this month.Hmm,have to make plans.Should i?
Hope my b'dae wish comes true.U should know what it is.I'll be waiting for an answer.
Okae,stop here first.I'll continue later on tonight.
[i ---- u.A fairy tale]-keith-

sigh

2004-12-17T01:22:00.000+08:00

Today,went out with mab. to get her stuffs.Then later managed to know more people through her.Overall,it was quite fun coz get to know more new friends today.It was nice to meet Hayan,Ash and many others.Hang out with u guys some time soon again ya.
Anyway,saw a group of temasek design friends at Spinelli.Said hi and stuffs.
Well,my hair today was attracting too much attention due to it's colour and style.Geez,why can't everyone be more open about it.In the end,i didn't bother much due to my lack of energy.
Went all the way to find u late at night,but u didn't wanna see me.I feel like an idiot.Are u giving me excuses?or are u just trying to test me?Sigh,u really have no idea how disappointed i felt when u said u can't come down even for 10mins.I was very very extremely upset.Im serious.
Now,im looking at the folded heart u gave me.What was it suppose to mean?I feel it's some kind of a consolation prize just becoz i said some stuffs to u.The heart is really special to me coz u gave it to me.But to u,does it have any significance at all?I really wonder.
I have so much more to write.But i guess i betta stop here.My mood isn't getting any better.
[i've already let u go.but why did u rather take this path]-keith-

Confessions

2004-12-16T01:51:00.000+08:00

Today,had a day out with u.Picked u up from school and then went elsewhere.Well,all i could say is,that im really happy to be out with u.There's too much to write in here whatever that happened.Im really relieved to have confessed to u some stuffs.I like u too much already.And on top of that,i was really damn freaking happy when u gave me that heart u fold.But all of a sudden,i just remembered something similar that happened few months ago.Sigh.
Okae la,gotta stop here.Take care everyone.
[grant me 1 wish,and it's U]-keith-

yeah

2004-12-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

Haha just spend another 4hours at the hair salon today.My hair turned out not bad man...err i think.Hahaha well,its colour was quite outstanding in the crowd.U all sure can spot me.
Hmm,tml gonna pick u up from school.U know,it's something special to me coz i haven't had this kinda feeling of picking someone i like from school for so long already.I miss it alot.Sigh.
Btw,i wanna let u be the first person to see my new hair.I promised u not to get the electric guitar set from my friend already.I won't waste money if u don't like it.
Something happened today in my house and the first person i called was u.At first,u didn't pick up the call.I guess u were busy.But after that,u called me back.I was happy that u did.U would never know how emotional i felt at that point of time.I was close to tears.But i just tried to control.
It's not easy to live in a family like that.After getting a nose bleed from the impact of the metal stick,i felt that i've to leave one day.U should know why and what happened today.
Let's not talk about it tml when u meet me okae?I'm really alright.
Actually,i really find it so funny.Coz im writing something whom someone will never know about.Till now,maybe it's still not the right time to let u know what's my blog addy.Maybe u won't even wanna know.Sigh.
Am i trying to live a happy life?Well,im trying really hard to.Believe me.
Anyway,meet u at tp's plaza tml.I'll wait for u there patiently.Hopefully,after seeing u i'll feel much better.Don't worry bout me.
[There is no forever,there is no true love,there is no truth.What's the point of believing?]-keith-

Wish

2004-12-14T02:39:00.000+08:00

It's 2plus in the morning now.Just put in a new song by S.E.N.S.I hope u guys like this classical piece called "Wish".Well,music videos will not be around in my blog for this week.But by next week,i'll start to put in videos again.So just enjoy the music only for the moment.Thanks

gone for good

2004-12-13T22:35:00.000+08:00

With the help of a friend,the guitar i've kept for the past 7mths will be gone for good.By this week,it won't be around anymore.Held it in my arms today and remembered how the guitar came about and how things ended that day.Though it lies in a small corner of my room, i just don't wanna keep something that hurt so much.
Hmm, anyway maybe getting the entire electric guitar set from Jason next mth.He is selling it to me real cheap.It includes the speakers ,amplifiers and cables to set the guitar up.At least,it'll be filling up that empty corner in my room after the acoustic guitar is gone.Sigh.
Called u on the fone few hours ago,was quite sad due to your replies but still i sounded happy.
Will be asking u tml night again.I believe ur answer is tat u won't be free this week.Nevermind.
[will it be a different route if i had done what i had to do earlier]-keith-

need it soon

2004-12-13T21:17:00.000+08:00

Well,gonna get the latest CD by S.E.N.S soon.Love all the classical music in it.She has it too.Sigh.Felt that there ain't gonna be a chance at all.Can 2 different individuals be together? Are we really fated to be together one day? How i wish the answer will just appear before me.U keep on telling me the word "truth" and "time".Sometimes im really afraid to be frank to u and when i tell u stuffs,i will always think of the consequences.But i know i'll always tell u the truth.
I'd told u not to leave my life.Do u have any idea how i feel deep down.U think u know.But u don't.I may seem like a simple person on the surface.But my heart and life is filled with sorrow.Im just as complicated as u are.U said i can't hide my feelings well.But the fact is,i've hidden the unhappy side of me.
Lying down on my bed every night,i looked up at the ceiling and start to think about everything that i went through this year.2004 is coming to an end soon.
The way i lead my life now,is so different from the past.Have i changed? Maybe alittle cold in my heart.And learning to be alone and trying to be happy.
It's so hard to carry on with life sometimes,coz everything i used to believe in,seems like one big lie.
Feel so stupid with all my silly believes and trust.Taking me for granted and not appreciated at all no matter what i do.In the end,im left with a mess in my life.
How retarded.
Dunno whether i should continue writing or not.Im disappointed with alot of things.Why shouldn't i.Sigh
[clearing my heart and making it one]-keith-

the one

2004-12-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

Wang Li Hong ( Lee Hom Wang )-Wei Yi

wo de tian kong duo me de qing xin

tou ming de cheng nuo shi guo qu de kong qi

qian zhao wo de shou shi ni dan ni

de xiao rong que kan bu qing

shi fou yi ke xing xing bian le xin

cong qian de yuan wang ye quan dou bei pao qi

zui jin wo wu fa hu xi

lian zi ji de ying zi dou xiang tao bi( tao bi)

BABY ni jiu shi wo de wei yi

liang ge shi jie dou bian xin hui qu tan he rong yi

que ding ni jiu shi wo de wei yi du zi dui zhao dian hua shuo wo ai ni

wo zhen de ai ni

BABY wo yi bu neng duo ai ni yi xie

qi shi zao yi chao guo ai de ji xian

torture

2004-12-10T18:27:00.000+08:00

Tml gotta work.Yeah!!!!Hmm,called u on the phone yesterday.Had a interesting conversation.But i dunno why was i blabbering.Hahaha.Gonna call u tonight again to see how's ur day.
To be continued...
[there is love when u feel afraid to lose the person close to u]-keith-

Enjoy

2004-12-09T17:57:00.000+08:00

Just put in a new video today by Evanescence-"My Immortal".So just sit back and relax.Enjoy peeps.

it's been a long time

2004-12-08T16:39:00.000+08:00

hey peeps,i haven't been blogging for about 3days man.Was kinda busy with something or rather someone.Went out with u for the past 2days.I dunno wad's gotten over me,but i know the green-eyed monster in me is showing these few days.Sorry.Hmm,u said it was normal to feel jealous.But to me,i don't like myself being like this.
Anyway,hope u enjoyed yourself with me.It has been really fun going to all the places with u.
Oh yar,guess i'll be going for another hair change soon.Need to get a fresh new look by x'mas and by my b'dae.Maybe it's a brand new start to having a betta coming year.
Hmm,still thinking of my New year resolution.Hehe.Well,just hope everything will be fine.
Too bad,u dunno wad's my blog addy.Coz i didn't tell u.It's not easy for me to say things to u.Im just afraid of losing u.Being close to ya,makes me so happy all the time.Seeing u smile,makes me even happier.But sometimes,i just dunno how to express myself infront of u.I know the time will come someday.Now is not the moment yet.But as long as u know how i feel now,that's all that matters.
Okae.Gonna stop here for the time being.Take care everyone.
[even 2 parallel lines might meet someday.nothing is impossible in life.so jus believe]-keith-

tired bear

2004-12-05T01:26:00.000+08:00

It's 12plus in the morning now.Just came back from work.Tiring day.Hmm,guess im gonna be slping at 4plus today and wake up at 8am.Hahaha 4pathetic hours of sleep.But nvm.
If u are reading this,here's a personal message for u:"Your flying off on Monday.I really feel like giving u a call to tell u to have a safe trip,but maybe it's not a gd idea to call anyway.I dunno.Though u'll be gone for a week,it feels quite awkward.Well,moreover u won't be going there alone,but with someone.Got a "ping an fu" for u,but i guess u won't want it anyway.So i dropped the idea of passing it to u.Anyway,even though your not with me now,i just want u to enjoy yourself when your there.Take care".
Yep,that's my message to that someone.
I once told her that after the trip,she will totally forget about the past.It doesn't matter whether u remember or not now,coz i still do can already.
[Papa bear lost its way in the darkness,but gained courage from every fall]-keith-

silly bear

2004-12-04T01:21:00.000+08:00

It's 1plus in the morning now.U keep on saying im silly.Hahaha.Well,i dunno why i'll do these kinda stuffs for u either.But it's sweet right?Hahaha.Anyway,gonna pick u up from school on Monday.Can't wait to see u.Now ur at a chalet,must take care k.
[sad bear-->happy bear-->silly bear]-keith-

happy bear

2004-12-02T16:36:00.000+08:00

Went out with u yesterday.Only one word to describe,HAPPY.Many stuffs happened yesterday.We had fun.It's only kept between u and me.U always can turn my sadness into pure smiles and laughter.
Really happy to eat crystal jade with u.And u became my nurse coz always telling me not to eat this and that.And always reminding me to eat my medicine.We were supposed to eat Yami Yoghurt everytime we go suntec.But yesterday cannot eat coz u said i was sick.So i listened to u.
Sent u home and we had a heart to heart talk at the playground.It felt so much better after saying everything that i was feeling confused about.I won't blame u if u had doubts about my feelings.Coz it's a natural thinking.For now,i just wanna prove to u that i'll changed into a even better person.I wanna regain my confidence and control my spendings.U don't like me to waste money.So i will change.I admitted to u that there were some stuffs that i haven't really totally gotten over.Im really glad u can understand why.But i really know what i am doing now.I know what i am saying to u,i know what i feel towards u.I just wanna be truthful and honest to u.
I told u something yesterday night.I felt it was very meaningful words i had for u.I said:"Even if we never ever had a chance to be together in the future,i also won't wanna lose u as a friend".
U thought i had hidden meanings in that sentence.Well,in short what i meant was:"I just don't wanna lose u in any way".Yep.
No matter what your decision is in the future,i'll respect it.U were right when u said humans can never wait forever and they cannot resist temptations.But all u need to know is,i'll wait for u as long as my feelings can take me.
Even if i end up losing everything in the end,it's worth it coz i tried my best.
I realised that i lost her not becoz i wasn't good,but it was becoz she didn't cherish my existance by her side.I have done my best in loving her.I did no wrong.And if she wanna leave me for someone else,then i'll just let her go.Even after she left,i have cared for her all along.But still,she didn't appreciate.I know.Maybe she will never notice,maybe she will never treasure my love for her.Disappointment only comes with every setback i faced with her.There were alot of "What if" and "if only" in my mind.I can't changed the past,but i could change the present and make a better future.I love her still but.................sigh.
Okae la,all i wanna be now is a happy bear.No more tears for me.
[A happy papa bear needs a happy mama bear to have a happy life]-keith-

opened up like a bottle

2004-12-01T11:22:00.000+08:00

Today is just another passing day.The end of the year is coming.Just realised time just pass me by like it wasn't even there at all.Lost many in life,and gain nothing.
Sorry Mab.,but i guess i won't be the keith u now know anymore.U may ask me why,and u may tell me it isnt worth changing just becoz of one person that did me wrong.But i can only tell u,i may feel betta this way.Just take it that im gonna have a long break from everything.
Im not special ya noe.U always think i am.But the fact is,i'm not.Special people don't get hurt and stay unhappy.
To me,special people are people who have smiles on their faces.
In my life,all i need is one lie to ruin everything.And there were many.Everyone claims that i'll be appreciated one day.Why are all of u so naive about this matter? Everytime i hear u guys mention it,i really wanna laugh.It ain't gonna happen now or in the near future.
Making it short and simple.I've liked people who will never be with me.I've loved someone who didn't wanna be with me and left.Reasons?I rather not hear and know.Just self-blame.
Am i leading a sad life now?I dunno also.It seems like i am.
Maybe ur right mab.I think i feel so angry due to my jealousy.But at least,i dun say out a single thing.I just keep it to myself.

just dun bother

2004-12-01T02:32:00.000+08:00

It's 2.30am in the morning now.Can't slp.Staring into blank space.Dunno why i broke down.Why?Saw words that shot through me so deep.Was it suppose to hurt so bad?Now i know.Btw,your the first person whom i wanted to tell bout my sickness.But i guess i made a wrong choice.Thought u would at least bother,but i could feel that u dint.
When i kept on thinking to myself,why should u even care.I just remembered that im already insignificant in your life.
Just now,i just told someone not to care about my condition anymore.She asked me why.And all i could say was:"If she doesn't even care bout me,then everyone just leave me alone.I don't need anyone to worry bout me.If the person i care most do not feel a thing,then everyone should just do the same."
Everything seems to feel so painful all of a sudden.Don't wake up the next day?I wish.
Living my life working seems to take my mind off things,but happiness isn't found.
Now,i admit that im feeling so heartpain.So pain until i just wanna close my eyes.
Mabel said that people will one day appreciate me.I really dun believe anymore.Im so angry.Angry at lies,betrayal and ignorance.This is a bunch of crap.
[love?i won't mention it anymore.It isn't existing]-keith-

it has been confirmed

2004-12-01T01:50:00.000+08:00

It's 1plus in the morning now.Everything started out as a good day...until........im suffering physically,and it's pain.It has somehow been confirmed that i've asthma already.This is really shit man.Sigh.Was kinda serious until even my own customers offered me their own "puffer" thingy.No one can imagine how embaressed i am.
I called u at about 6plus using the company's phone and also gave u another call when i reached home.U were kinda harsh to me on the phone coz i didn't do something after work.If only u knew that i was really having a chest pain due to my sickness.But i didn't tell u until u finished talking so harshly to me.U suddenly kept quiet for awhile.
After that,called another person.Told me that u wanted to accompany for a check up tml.I dun think it's needed.I really don't wanna go.Whether the asthma will get even more serious or not,it doesn't matter.I dun care anymore.Just let it be can?Thanks for caring anyway.
Im quite lost now.Abit upset.Well,actually is damn upset.U understand?I guess not.
[why am i getting.........]-keith-